A bike ride and a bit of drama

January 31, 2014

I rode my bike to the station for the first time in three weeks, and though it was frigid cold and I still can't feel my fingers, it felt good. The same yellow-jacket wearing old man who secures a crosswalk midway through my ride is still there to greet me, this time with a genki "ohisashiburi!" Yes, it has been awhile, but it's good to be back. Hoping the same sentiment holds true when I return home after nearly three years.

After my stellar ride, I saw something on Facebook that really upset me. Dozens of my friends, at least three I'd consider great friends, got together to celebrate an extraordinary friend with a second surprise sayonara party that I wasn't invited to or told about. How high school, right?! It was an honest mistake, but no one likes to feel unwanted so it bummed me out until one thought resonated through. Every person on the planet is motivated by their perceptions. I obviously was, whining inside my head, "Why didn't they think about me??" Well, because they were thinking about him. So even though I really would've loved to give him one more hug for the road, I can let it go knowing that he was spoiled like he deserves.

Making time

January 30, 2014

I met Masako for our "lesson" after work today despite my feeling run-down and anti-nihongo. It's always nice to see her and she's my friend first, so I gave what I could and that was enough. 

After reviewing some of the grammar from last week and a few new points, I switched  to English entirely and leveled with her about my week. Talking someone you love from the ledge takes its toll and I needed to refuel, which I do sometimes with me-time and sometimes with lovely dinners like these. I also shared with her this story about my Naunie and I.

My grandfather passed away three years ago from cancer. Not wanting my last memories to be of him in the hospital, I visited my Papa and Naunie a lot in the year before his passing. I was working in an indie bookstore in San Francisco just before Christmas when we got the call that any loved ones wishing to say a final goodbye should make the necessary arrangements immediately. We spent that Christmas together in the hospital, watching my papa's favorite tv shows, telling stories, drawing pictures, filling in wacky Mad-libs. Bathed in love he held on until just after the new year. I took some bereavement time off and went to see my Naunie. We played our own versions of Scrabble and Yahtzee to draw out each game. And we talked a lot.

At some point over the days lost in old memories and word games, she looked at me squarely and said that I had been spending too much time with her. I'd been visiting too often, not looking after myself, and she wanted me to have fun with my friends and not come see her for awhile.

I am the most selfish person in my family, and probably the only one who knows that the best way to help others is to first take care of yourself. I told her the truth. That'd I'd been permitted a week off of work and took the first two days in SF, grieving in my way and filling myself up with the goodness and love of my dearest friends, so that I could come visit her and my dad and have more of myself to give. If I'd have come straight away, I wouldn't have been in a position to help anyone. "So you don't have to worry about me." I smiled. After that, a visible weight lifted from my grandmother and knowing how much she's been through, it filled me with unprecedented joy.

January 29, 2014

Another looooooong Wednesday, but I did stumble upon some really great new songs (including the Scooby Doo theme song!!) to teach my preschoolers in the quiet hour after everyone except the manager and I had gone home. I must love what I do because who else gets excited about this stuff?!

January 28, 2014

Whew! Just caught up two weeks worth of blog posts and got a bunch of stuff done at work. Yippee!

January 27, 2014

I am so extremely grateful that presently I possess sufficient resources - energy/joy/compassion - and wherewithal to help loved ones in need while preserving my own sense of at least relative well-being.

It is also my mom's birthday. Love her.

January 26, 2014

I spent my day off today on Skype. First with dad, then mom, and later trying to convince someone I love not to kill themself. I think it helped.

If you too find yourself in the throes of despair, please tell someone. The people who love you won't know what to do or how to help, but together there is strength and hope and a way out of the darkness. Ask for help before you have nothing left to give yourself, breathe, and believe with any small amount of faith you can muster that a better life is possible and you will find it.

January 25, 2014

I always feel like a rock star at my favorite little bar, but tonight took the cake. All of Kobe's finest were out celebrating Ebbe, a wonderful friend who will return to Denmark next week. Very nearly teared up - he gives the best hugs! - but held it together with a smile til the end.

Ray (featured front and center with tape bracelets) wrapped us all up in tape - I opted for handcuffs, brilliant! - inspired by a typo on the event thread for a "tapehodai" instead of "tabehodai" (Japanese for all-you-can-eat). Too funny!! I distinctly remember crawling across the bar to unbutton a friend's shirt and being hoisted into the air like a pop star into the crowd. Grateful for having a place where I can let loose and hang with some stupendously awesome peeps!

January 24, 2014

Today some promising news from the head office and a dozen toddlers toasting a mighty "Campai!" during our class tea party brought smiles to my face. 

Also, two extremely proud teacher moments came later in the day. One with a 3-year-old who more recently showed reluctance to using any English uttering a sentence far beyond his years ("My mommy buyed it"). The other from a 3-year-old who stood up to me after being scolded with another student that the other child hadn't misbehaved, that he himself had acted alone and was sorry, but insisted repeatedly that "Ryousei yattenai" (Ryousei didn't do it). So very proud.

January 23, 2014

Jellyfish kids loved the balloon sensory play I'd prepared and we had a lot of fun playing together. And they're really sharp! In the pre-teaching I talked about what's inside the different balloons, first using a deflated one to show them what air is. They remembered each of a half-dozen varied contents and ran around sharing their balloons with friends and teachers. The ice balloons were the class favorites and some kids got the idea to surprise me with them on the back of my neck, one even going so far as to conspire with her sister in Japanese!

While making some time with one of our quieter kids later in the day, I noticed she had strawberries on her shirt and I mimed eating one. She giggled. 10 seconds later, another one of my curious toddlers comes closer and asks, "Can you share?". Share? "Huh? What could I... You mean a strawberry?" His eyes grow wide at the promise of a new silly game, grins with a big open mouth, and nods like a bobble head toy. So I pluck another strawberry from her shirt and offer it to him, "here you are" because it's like when a child gives you a toy phone. You can't not answer it. 

A great day at work was followed by a lovely dinner and Japanese lesson with my friend, and I even managed to squeeze in a bit of painting before bed.

January 22, 2014

By Wednesday each week I'm already feeling run down, so it felt good today to leave work on time, cook little yummy bentos for the next couple lunches, and turn in early. Ah, sleep. Does a body good.

January 21, 2014

My friend Eric gave an excellent presentation on language learning in young children that was very interesting, and led to an inspired discussion on the topic after. 

Before leaving work, I remembered about tomorrow's planned sensory play activity and scoured the school looking for interesting things to put inside balloons. The most challenging was trying to squeeze paper clay inside with both middle fingers while holding the balloon open with both pointers. I've since discovered a much simpler way (put the balloon inside an empty water bottle and wrap the opening over the bottle's rim) to accomplish the same thing, but at least my way was good for a laugh.

I finished the balloon prep with just enough time to race to the station and make an 8 o' clock dinner date with some of my favorite peeps. Florent's pasta was delicious, however, I fear the rubbing alcohol we drank may put hair on my chest ;)

January 20, 2014

Last night before bed I officially announced my intention and fear with moving back home to all the folks in FB land. This morning dozens have already reached out with their words of support, encouragement and love. And several especially kind souls have offered a place to crash, a job lead, and any number of other wonderful ways to help ease me through this transition. So very grateful.

January 19, 2014

Today I ate some scrumptious quesadillas and did some future planning with a great coworker friend. I also slept, huzzah!

January 18, 2014

Public calligraphy and pancakes with Donna-chan!!! What a lovely day!!!

I also managed no fewer than three polite sentences in Japanese to a museum crowd of over 100! Woot!

Plus that moment when you realize once and for all that you don't need anyone else to feel good about yourself. Gold.

January 17, 2014

It's Friday and I don't have to work tomorrow! Grateful my teacher friend agreed to cover my classes so I can make some sweet Japanese calligraphy!

Also, Shuhei did some pretty funny stuff today like asking me to sing him personalized versions of our Phonics songs. Sing "Busy Shuhei" please (busy bee). "Dancing Shuhei" please (instead of dancing dinosaur) and my favorite request.. Sing "Elegant Shuhei" please. He cracks me up!

I also made it to Mickey's for the Friday night unwind with some good peeps and caught Hime-chan saddling up to the bar.

January 16, 2014

I was feeling run down, so I cancelled my lesson for this evening with a promise to turn in early and charge up on much-needed zzzs. I came home exhausted, ready to jump straight to bed when I realized I'd left frozen chicken out to thaw, which it had done despite frigid temps in Japan these days. I couldn't muster the energy to cook, but my roommate came through with a winning "recipe". Ie. throw a bunch of food in the rice cooker, press a button, kill an hour planning tomorrow's lesson, getting a shower, teaching her to Tim Tam Slam, coming back to pack the yummy "okayu" porridge into Tupperware before finally hitting the sack.

January 15, 2014

This is my friend Eric and he's super rad. Even more so for posing for my bitty blog. He's an incredible friend who took the time to compose a lovely recommendation of my teaching to aid the ongoing job hunt. We grabbed dinner and gabbed about life and the universe. Good times with good peeps. So grateful!

The Power of Dreams

January 14, 2014

I rearranged all the furniture in my room before bed last night. That coupled with anxiety over my upcoming move, I had difficulty sleeping and tossed around most of the night. As a result, I remember many of my dreams and they were largely unpleasant. The surprising thing, however, is how my dream self dealt with the terrors of the night. Instead of panicking and propelling me awake as often happens, she met each predator with resolute calm and secured protection for herself and loved ones. Where the fear conjured in dreams usually lingers upon awakening, this morning I was spared. Contrary to waking and feeling victimized, I feel ready. Capable. Strong.

Good Deeds and Feeling Productive

January 13, 2014

Today's "to-do" list included "find a place to donate clothes". In preparation for my relocation back to SF, I've been systematically paring down my belongings and doing whatever I can think of now to begin making my transition from my new home in Japan (with rewarding, well-paying work, great friends, and cheap housing) to my old home in the States (with no job, no place to live, and friendships filled with too many years apart) as stress-free as possible. I'm a resourceful, upbeat gal so no doubt these matters will resolve themselves in time, but I want to be proactive and help myself as much as I can. And little things can really have a huge impact on how you feel about yourself.

I'd heard donating items in Japan could be tricky and anticipated having to take some time researching options, but it couldn't have been more simple. On my first Google search, I find this gem of a bitty thrift shop that gives part of your donation value to a local charity, and they just happened to be in my city, a convenient train ride away. Not only did I get to cross "find a place to donate clothes" off my list, I got to make my donation on a national holiday, help a charity, and nix one more potential stressor before it had the chance to nag. Hooray!

Then, a happy accident. While trying to "check-in" at Orange Thrifty, I saw "Cafe restaurant hug" as a nearby establishment, and being the happy hugger I am had to stop in for a bite. 

While enjoying a delicious salmon avocado bagel and a dose of inspiration, I found this piece of treasure - www.thenicestplaceontheinter.net. Biggest hugs to the people who started this site and to each of you, my darlings!

The Right Song for Your Mood

January 12, 2014

Waking up to that great song from Flashdance. "Make it happen" indeed!